This has to be one of the most inspiring sermons I have ever heard. I was so moved by the presence of God in His house the tears just wouldn't stop. Thank you Ps. Pat...thanks Ps. Kevin...Leonard who brought me there, Baldwin who drove us there...Thank you God, for bringing me back into Your arms. I can't illustrate how much my life has changed because of You, and I know that this is only the beginning.
Sow with a mission....to ask myself what I really want is one of the hardest questions I can ever ask myself. You see, a normal person can tell they want to be so-and-so, do this, do that in the future, but not me...I don't know what I want...or maybe I do, but I don't want to acknowledge that's what I want. It feels like a sin sometimes...desiring that is like ripping against the canvas I've carefully painted. Everything was a mess, a blotch, an emptiness I cannot identify and a fear I will not allow myself to have. But today...today, hearing him ask us...me...what do I want? What do I want? What do I want?
There are several things...some more obvious...others subtle. The audition...rather than just to pray for success in it...I want to know if I truly have the abilities needed for this field. I want to be in SM Entertainment. Being a top entertainer in Japan, Korea...all over Asia...like them. I want to be there with Mika and Jas. I can't stand being there alone...please let them be with me, please let us go there together. I need direction in life...that which I desire may not be that which I am destined to do...but I believe that if the Lord's will is with me, I will discover the direction.
The next thing is....a bit embarrassing, a bit painful to talk about. I want a particular person, but I think I'm probably dreaming. I mean, crushing over idols? I'm past the age for that...but such thoughts have crossed my mind, and when I thought about what I wanted today, his face flashed across my mind. It was shocking...I can't be serious about this...perhaps this is a result of a little loneliness. I would be lying if I say I don't yearn for another person's warmth and love. Right now, my friends have been wonderful, giving me lots of love...but occasionally I feel the bite of loneliness, fleeting, phantom...no more..
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