A Message to Two Friends + Snatch Thief Incident

Too many things have been happening lately...just when I recovered from a period of 'emotional low'...someone else catches it.

Just found out some shocking news today. It was....absolutely unpredictable. It was one of those things that you thought would only happen on TV, but yet, faced with that reality, one can do nothing but to accept that things like that do happen. At times like these, there is nothing that a friend could do to relieve your burden but to be beside you and support you emotionally. We're still too young to do anything...and it is still a matter that should be handled by the family. Even if we have the intention to help, the truth is, we have no such ability...but we can offer you support as friends.

I know you're feeling the pressure and responsibility as the eldest to hold up the family...and I know that you won't let yourself fall. I, too, would say to you...stay strong. But know that you don't have to rely on yourself totally...at moments when you feel like you might fail, know that your friends are always around to offer your strength, to hold you up in this moment of crisis. We are always here to be your pillar...never hesitate to confide in any of us. Most of all, stay strong as a family. Family support is very important in times like these. I know you're not a believer, but know that things happen for a reason. God does not give us a challenge that we cannot overcome. No matter what happens in the future, we will continue to be by you. This event will definitely change your life...and you may find yourself hitting the ground, but the most important thing is to be able stand up again. I'm not being pessismistic, but I just want you to know that...life will go on no matter what happens. So let's face this hurdle together, okay? *big huggies*

And the other one....don't know what happen to you...but seeing you today kinda made me feel very worried and frustrated. I didn't know what to say...so I left you to yourself. I'm....not someone who's very good at comforting people...without saying something that might hurt them. But looking at you today, well, it made me sad that I can't do anything to help you. I really don't know what happened, but I want to say that you can always talk to us. I know you're someone who's afraid of bringing trouble to other people...what with all the issues that we've been facing lately. But seriously....don't try to bottle everything inside. Like you told me...when there is something bothering you, share it with us. However, I'm not going to force you share if you feel that it's private and something that needs to be dealt with personally. But know that you never need to feel 'paiseh' around us okay? Don't worry that you'll 'ma fan' us, okay? If you really need to, talk about it. *more big huggies*

I'll be praying for you two...so ganbatte!

On a side note...today a snatch thief grabbed a girl's belongings when she came out of the bank at KPD. We were just walking when we heard someone cry out, and te next thing we know...two men rushed on motorbikes to try and chase the thief. Not sure if they caught him, but the poor girl was in distress...so warning to all my HELP friends. Be careful yeah...and best to move around with company. God bless.

Renewed and Refreshed

The weekend has given me a change of pace...which was crucial for me to just get away from everything for a while....and indeed I had to. Went back to my uncle's place and discovered that his internet connection died, so yeah...in a way, I was cut off from...stuff. So what did I do in an 'Internet-less' condition? I went back to meh good ol' hobby....watch drama. My uncle has some interesting series...CSI Hong Kong version...but I must say I prefer CSI. More sophisticated ma...

Then of course, I tried to study for MCH123...gah....read a lot, but nothing in the brain. I think have to utilise the art of crapification again. Just hope got stuff to crap about ><

And then came Sunday....which I have been looking forward to. For the previous week, I've been under a lot of pressure (from what, I dunno la...) Felt like an emotional dump....that's why so emo la....but went to church and cell again... Once again, the Lord has opened His arms to me, to welcome His child home. In His presence, I felt Him reach inside me, as though to touch my burdened heart, and I felt Him silently urging me to surrender all my misgivings, all my pain to Him. And as the tears flowed down my cheeks, I felt Him healing my battered confidence, lifting my physical fatigue...and most of all, renewing my spirit and my thirst for His presence. Here, in the House of God, all the moments of darkness which I have gone through for the past week just disappeared, and now the clouds have cleared.

And I know that He had sent people into my life...friends who cared for me and are truly concerned about me, family members who are supportive....cell members who would always welcome me with open arms whenever I come back. He sent these people into my life to make a change, to make an impact on my life, to catch me when I stumble in my walk with Him. And there are those whom He sent to challenge me, but God does not give man a challenge he cannot overcome. The same time He challenges us, He provides us with the tools and the abilities needed to overcome the challenge. Don't you think it's amazing?

I really thank You, Lord, that you have placed these guardians in my life, to help me when I'm weak, to share my joy and my sadness, Father Lord, that You have known my moment of weakness, Lord, and You sent them to show that they love me, that You, Father Lord, above anyone else, love me. Lord, I pray that I will be used in the same manner, to show other people that there are those who care for them. Lord, I pray that I do not love with my own capacity but to love with Your capacity, because Your love can truly exceed boundaries. Lord, use me to work in other people's lives so that they too, can experience Your amazing love. Amen.

PS: Another note...EMERGE '08 is coming peeps! It's Aug 29-31. It's gonna be a fun-filled event, with competitions, performances and people are really gonna have a great time, as well as powerful sessions that will impact your life. Best of all, EMERGE '08 is OPEN TO ALL, so people, make sure you come along. In fact, you can participate in the competitions if you're interested. We have loads of events waiting for you, so come check us out at www.emergekl.my! Contact me if you're interested in going~~

You know who you are...Thanks

Hey...thanks for your words yeah? It's just that....well, I really have a...problem with being left out on conversations and stuff...and well, maybe some of you can deal with it when you don't un what's going on or maybe some sort of secret joke or hidden meaning or whatever, but I have an extreme complex about it. And I think I'm a bit paranoid, because when that happens, I feel like I'm totally left out. Even when I tell myself not to be so paranoid, the feeling gets better of me sometimes. It's something that I've been struggling with for...years? I think it's just me...maybe you're right. Maybe it's about time I slow down. Don't worry...I don't think there are any arguments, and I can tell you all the bonds I have with all of you are real. I just....have a problem with attachment. I just hope I can really be honest with myself...and sort out this issue soon. Haha, thanks again.

Makeover? To do or not to do...

A quick, random post...do I need a makeover? I've been carrying the same image since what, primary school? Even my long-time friends don't feel that I've changed much. Makes me wonder if I should like, get a makeover.

My mum used to say, "There's no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one." Kudos to you, mum! But hmm....a bit 'ma fan' le...(troublesome, that means). I mean, want to do something to my hair....but it's prone to damage, so not sure if I should do anything drastic to it....plus the curly-but-not-entirely-curly nature of my hair makes it a pain to style. Can't go for short hair coz mum won't let me...and I don't think it fits me. Plus can't dye....it'll kill my hair T_T No parental permission either...maybe I should go see a stylist?

I suppose I can try other things la....like modify the way I dress etc...but seriously, in Malaysia it feels more like a pain than anything. I'm really picky about what I wear...need to consider the weather, the occasion...mood. At the end of the day, the best combination to suit all these would be the ever reliable jeans and tee with sneakers. And someone once told me to learn makeup, but....practical or not when I have to walk to college? I mean, how can you expect anyone to makeup in this weather? Will melt immediately okay? Plus if you sweat with makeup on....ugh....that's so bad for your pores. But one day want to play around with eyeliners and stuff lol...saw Mika draw with them once, now curious...

Bleh...at the end of the day, must still see the most important factor...got MONEY or not???

Mood Gone Haywire

Something was wrong with my 'aerial' today.... Couldn't connect to anyone today...hmm.... It's the old feeling revisiting...the feeling I really hate the most.

I don't know what was bugging me....but something was definitely wrong. Started off fine...then around lunchtime...I felt myself sinking into an unmistakably familiar...yet unwelcomed mood. Yeah, once again, the feeling of being in the crowd but not part of it.

Everyone has a particular...issue that bothers them once in a while. For me...well, I've always been struggling with this type of loneliness, if I can call it that. It's really bizarre, actually...since I've never seen myself as someone who would have problems being social, but yeah... Maybe it's because I'm so social that I have this problem...a need for reassurance that I'm not just some decoration on the wall. I really have an issue huh?

I've been pretty free from this feeling since, I don't know, a pretty long time. But I guess, occasionally, things like these need to come back and haunt you for a while. Maybe the hiatus made the feeling grow stronger...like some form of accumulation or stagnation, but it really hit me hard. I couldn't find the energy to just...be my usual cheerful self...or maybe I didn't want to, I don't know...

It's like, someone pushed you off a really high cliff...but you don't want to try opening the parachute 'cause you're enjoying the fall. Yeah, something like that. It's not a feeling I like, but I need to steep myself in it once in a while. I believe people call this feeling 'Solitude', something that's not necessarily nice, but necessary...I believe it's necessary for me anyway. It's at times like these I sit down and get in touch with myself...I spend a lot of time with people, so much that sometimes, I forget that I'm a person too...I too need to talk to myself sometimes.

So yeah...I was just...immersing myself in the feeling... At one point, I think I was throwing a tantrum...a quiet tantrum. But at who or what? Beats me. Then I told myself, look, remember what you always say to all those depressed friends about feeling depressed? Give yourself time to mourn, then get over it! So yeah....I realised I couldn't snap out of it...the intensity was really different, I guess it must be because I haven't been down for so long, so I did what I usually do when I hit rock bottom.

I starting writing on a piece of paper....using writing as a medium to talk to my inner self...and let the writing just flow till I hit the main cause...which I did, I guess...because that's when I feel the words flow like they needed to be said, and I could no longer write legibly....I was literally scribbling across the paper. I could feel my expression hardening, changing...and finally, I came to the end of the rant.... Then I tore the paper to bits....a little symbolism, I guess...as a sign to tell myself that this issue has been said, dissected and gotten over with. Then slowly in class, my mood picked up till I was finally laughing again at Ms. Winnee's sarcastic jokes.

Moments like these make me think that no one is immune to feeling down at times. (Yes, even a person who seems like she only sees the bright side of things) But I guess the most important thing about the whole issue is how you handle the emotions...how to experience it without letting it take control over you, and learning to carefully dissipitate the emotions....so you don't hurt others or yourself. I'm still feeling some of the repercussions of the 'episode'...still in a quiet mood...especially since it's a 'Rainy Night', yes, Junsu? But I think after some sleep, I'll be back to becoming a loud and bright Sarah again.