3 Anggerik of MGS '03

While I was taking in the laundry today, I saw that one of my homewear t-shirts had torn. It was my old Form 3 class tee.The blue hem at the bottom was coming off. As I held it up to inspect it, I looked at the prints on my t-shirt and realised that I had never properly looked at it for a long, long time.

My old class tee was black...with blue hems...and right across the chest, fashioned in the shape of a pulse on an EEG...was the name 3 Ang, MGS '03. Ah...so I've had this tee for 8 years now...so I thought. Then a sudden wave of nostalgia seeped in, as I saw, truly, for once, the kind of condition the tee was in.

8 years.....8 years from the time I owned this tee, and from then on, I've used it first as a class tee...then as an extra tee for PE...then something to wear out and finally...when I came to KL to study 5 years ago, I brought it with me... I meant for it to be homewear. The older, slightly more cynical part of me was thinking, "Ah, look, back then, they made t-shirts so well, they last you so long!" But as I turned to the back of my tee...I saw the design made by one of my classmates, and looked at the many names printed upon the back of the tee.

I realised the design has faded over the many years of wear...well, no surprise there...think about all the water and detergent and spin cycles it's been through. But what struck me most was that some of the names have faded...some more than others. I sat there for a few minutes just trying to read every single one of the names...Some names were printed more clearly (ironically, my names was as clear as ever, possibly due to its position near to the top middle, where I don't rest my back upon the wall) & some names had faded so much that I could barely make out the names.

Looking at the tee, I tried to match name to face...and the images came to my mind one by one, some clear and vivid...others murky and uncertain. My F3 year has been pretty memorable...and not one moment was spent without these classmates. I may not always think of them...and I may not always think of all of them equally, but these are the moments where I'm transported back to a time where the biggest problem we had to face was PMR. Things were plainer then, but they were simpler too. I wonder what they're all doing now? Are they working hard to achieve their goals? What are they working as now? Perhaps some of them might have even started a family...

Like that t-shirt, I may not remember all the details about them...like the t-shirt, the relationship between some of us may be more distant and faded than before. But like that t-shirt, we'll always have shared something in common, and the bonds we carry on our backs watch over us, as our hearts continue to beat as one pulse, united in our memories.

Workplace stuff

This is perhaps one of the longest times I've been away from here...I can't decide whether that is a good thing or not. Time has proven to be the elusive master I had always known it to be, and work a straight-faced affair.

But it is without contempt that I say these things, because I've had a really good time at work. Sure, sometimes there are obstacles, and sure, sometimes things get more troublesome than they were meant to be, but overall, I've been enjoying what I'm doing. I credit this mainly to my colleagues.

'Tis an interesting bunch I hang out with, and I'd sooner call them friends than colleagues. I've taken up a lot of new hobbies because of these friends...things I never thought I would be interested in or start doing...but again, never say never, eh? Most of them are our seniors, ready to move on to the next stage of their lives and careers, and it saddens me somewhat that I only had a year to know them.

I've learnt a lot from them, whether it was through intentional teaching or whether it was by observation. Work aside, I think I'm glad to have met them...especially those two, who have shown me, in conversation, in action, in views, that to live is to experience, and that I should never have to be afraid of myself, that I should never have to let myself take the second place in my life. It's strange to see how my life has been affected by them in such a short time.

I'm a little sad that they'll be leaving soon...but happy for them that they're going to be off reaching their goals.

Life post XD

Whee! Long time no update! What to do? Life has been so busy, just keeping up with schoolwork is taking most of my energy. So yeah, been crazy with college, but in the storm of assignments and studies and thesis, some good things have happened as well. Overall, still in one piece, physically and mentally. After the 'intensive' training we had from IO last sem, I think this sem is considerably easier. Hello, I had time to think I'm bored, so it's a definite improvement.

I've been given a job offer at by the college, which honestly, is more appealing to me than a bank job. But of course, salary is not comparable, living costs have to bear myself etc...but it's much more relevant to me than a job in a corporate, financial sector. And it gives me more opportunities to prepare for post-grad. So now, in the process of making one of those major life decisions!

Interest-wise, I've gotten addicted to Nico Nico Douga (because of a certain "NeonStall") which is like...the Youtube of Japan. Mainly, I got into a bunch on singers who sing mainly, but not only, Vocaloid songs, and upload them. I really applaud them, because their singing sound like pros, the mixers and the composers are somewhat geniur-level too. It amazes me...them Japanses ppl. Once again, you see my fascination with all things Japanese.

Speaking of which, a friend of mine got the opportunity to study in Japan and will be leaving soon. I had the chance to meet up with her and hung out together with a bunch of friends, and we were chattering away in Jap until one of our friends got annoyed coz she couldn't understand a word. But I'm glad for her. If I have the chance, I would wanna go to Japan too. Either to work...or maybe study. But it's a dream in the future.

Guess right now, my life isn't so bad. It's pretty enjoyable, and despite the crazy assignments I have, I'm trying to apprecate everything about undergrad life, because it's gonna end soon...

Education system going down the dumps

I say this effing seriously.

The current education system is, I dare say, failing at a remarkable rate for a country which really has quite a lot of resources. Now, a new, hum...plan? policy? Never mind what they call it, the important thing is now they say they're coming out with something to 'kononnya' improve our education system.

I looked forward to it, really. I would love to see the education system and quality pick up. Then I saw the four imperatives' and I have to say, there are a fair few gaps in there. First of all, let's check out the imperatives, briefly, of course. Student success, hold schools accountable for student outcomes, or lack of, invest heavily in principals and heads, and develop top teachers.

Can you see the big hole here? What constitutes student success? Student outcomes? Does it mean more As? More graduates? The whole 'policy' hinges on these two terms, yet I can't find the definition in any articles so far. Depending on what they mean, it could make a miracle or mean a disaster.

Imagine that student success means producing more A-students (meaning purely academics). So now, under the new policy, it needs to be ensure that students become A-students. Schools who do not produce A-students will suffer the consequences. This may make the principal or head put more pressure (and blame) on the teachers and students for not performing, because they have been invested in heavily by the policy, and the decrepit performance will be on their heads (no pun intended). Then thte school may lose anything from resources and reputation, and it will become hard to attract and develop top teachers (Oh, and what do they mean by top teachers anyway?)

Now there's even curriculum for pre-schools! So now the nation is intent on turning us into a bunch of brain-riddled zombies who ingest nothing but academics. What happened to letting kids play? What happened to healthy development? Can you see me tearing my hair out by now?

And they're using some 'interesting' tactics to 'encourage' heads to ensure they run the schools well. Give them money if they perform, if they don't, well, too bad. Ugh, and they want to trigger the corporate culture in schools?? Agh, why!? It's a school, for goodness sake! Don't turn it into some funky enterpreneur manoveour! And they want to 'teach' students about integration of cultures, of different races and religions. They wanna do that? First, stop talking about races and religions, and students will get the point. They're not THAT stupid. And another thing? No point teaching them if the 'role models' are portraying all the opposite. So yeah, if you can get teachers to learn to accept and integrate the cultures, bravo, you're on the way to success. I speak honestly and from experience when I say I've seen teachers who are as biased (mainly racist, but I mean other prejudices as well) as they come, and really, students learn and reflect what they say and do. It happens. Deal with it.

And the best part? I haven't seen the term personal growth and development anywhere. Yep, looks like our education system won't change much. It used to be about grades...now it looks like it's going to be about grades too. And they wonder why our human capital is declining, students becoming more unruly and graduates not getting employed.

This is most amusing...

The fact that I can still write in here with a fair coherence is proof that I have not gone nuts....yet. But I have made quite a few mistakes in my haste to type, contracted from all the speedy typing I did for my thesis proposal. Surely a sign of my fraying nerves... Just to soothe them, I have allowed myself to slip back into the indulgence of this semi-Reformation civility in conversations, which I so rarely use.

Indeed, speaking like this in any normal conversation will surely warrant unwanted suppositions about my nature (possibly high-strung) or even elicit comments most unfair (likely ridicule). Don't mind me in my hour of self-absorption, which I assure you, doesn not happen very often. But it is necessary, I believe, to retain that very fine balance between work-torn insanity and my current...hum..unusual state. After all, what is a student of the fragile mechanism we call the mind to do but impose some form of strange (and hardly useful) defense mechanism, just to illuminate her eccentricity? So do indulge this silly little conversation, and let me be quite strange.

Into a New Decade

The new year has come and gone, and right now, I can't afford to think about much else but college. Once again, I'm attempting to drive myself nuts by taking 5 subjects, one of which is thesis, which, btw, is contributing 80%to my going nuts.

I'm still feeling the effects of the crazy last sem, a little burnt out, not really feeling like going back to college. But, with all good spirits, and great friends, I made a pretty good recovery. Now my mission to hunt for the correct subjects so I can get a good schedule, learn something useful and relevant, get (reasonably) good grades and hopefully, still be sane by the end of 4 months.

So far, thesis is slowly driving me up the wall as I realise what exactly I've set myself up by picking this design. The 2 cores look okay so far, with one experiment assignment in anticipation. And the remaining electives will be by the same lecturer, who, befitting all the rumours I've heard, is as long-winded as someone her age could be. On top of that, sitting in for possibly the toughest subject of the semester (Psychological testing), which I initially wanted to take, but was scared off by the high risk of a C or worse. So technically, 6 subjects. Overachiever syndrome.

But I digress. My Fairy Tail fever is at its pitch point, for reasons I cannot fathom. It's not like it's a new series I'm following, but for some weird, weird, reason, I'm all moe and kyaa over it. It's not a *pretty* anime...trust me, the characters don't look like they could all pass for girls. In fact, the girls are really pretty, some of the guys are really cool, in a non-feminine way (how often do you hear me say that?) and some character designs are downright WEIRD! But still, from the mangaka of Rave, I'm impressed and enamoured by Fairy Tail's endearing and humourous storyline.

Oh, my fav? Unsurprisingly, Natsu and Gray, but seriously, they're the 2 manliest characters which I've liked since, I don't know. But doesn't mean I don't ship them. Natsu and Gray are sooo together! Really, with these two, they're both reversible, which is always cool. I know how people like Natsu with Lucy, but I like Lucy with Loke. Seriously, those two are super cute together. And needless to say, Erza belongs with Gerard. Full stop. So yes, while I should be reading journals for my thesis, I'm rereading the Fairy Tail manga for maybe the 4th time, I lost count.

Exams are nuts

Exams are tough...but having 5 papers, 3 of which are heavyweight subjects, are a little crazy even for me.

I must've been really nuts to go for 5 subjects, but hey, this is the price to pay if I wanna finish up on time. But I just found out that graduation happens only once a year in April, so technically, if I finish fast, I still have to wait for April to graduate. But then, I'll have time to go for my training, and still have spare time over for holidays and whatever else. XD

So for now, I'm just gonna work my ass off, somehow survive finals, then enjoy Christmas holidays.